


Feed Me, Seymour

by unalignedant



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: But also, Dubious Consent, M/M, Sex Pollen, Some Humor, Underage Character(s), so it's not super creepy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-23 01:39:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7461588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unalignedant/pseuds/unalignedant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance is jabbering about something or other at his side and Hunk is busy wondering why he hadn’t thought to bring snacks along because <i>surely</i> they’re going to die out here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feed Me, Seymour

**Author's Note:**

> Whoo, boy, sorry about this. I wanted to write sex pollen and these two were the only way I could figure to do it and not make it hurt. Title is from, obviously, _Little Shop of Horrors_ , and this is unbeta’d: I apologize for any mistakes.

It starts innocently enough: cabin fever gets the best of everyone to the point where Lance just loudly announces, “The Legs are _taking a walk_!” and drags Hunk out of the Castle to explore whatever planet they happen to be parked on at the moment. Hunk can’t say no to Lance so he just barely listens as Coran enthusiastically shouts some generic warning about alien species after them and _blah blah blah_ before Hunk knows it, they are lost in some kind of technicolor jungle-type thing with no idea which direction the Castle is in.

Lance is jabbering about something or other at his side and Hunk is busy wondering why he hadn’t thought to bring snacks along because _surely_ they’re going to die out here and at the very least Hunk does not want to die hungry, when suddenly Lance trips and goes flailing, face first, screaming nonsense, into the underbrush where he literally disappears from sight. Hunk hears his yelling get progressively further away and Hunk is pretty sure the guy just rolled down an unforeseen hill.

“Lance?” Hunk yells worriedly, lifting some vegetation out of the way to clamber after him, and he finds Lance sitting dazed in a patch of completely innocuous looking flowers at the bottom of a small slope. Lance is covered in crushed plant matter or pollen or whatever and is looking at his hands in confusion. 

“Jeez, dude, what the hell,” Hunk says breathlessly when he reaches him, relieved that at least Lance is in one piece, so he sticks a hand out and offers Lance a lift. Lance just looks at Hunk’s hand and doesn’t move.

“What?” Lance asks slowly, looking up at Hunk and sounding stunned. “I--I fell and--what happened? What _is_ this stuff?” He stares at his hands in front of him.

“Great,” Hunk says, squatting down to grab Lance’s pollen-coated chin to look in his eyes, which are wide open with pupils dilated. “Concussion? Brain damage? _More_ brain damage?” Hunk’s going to die out here, hungry, after burying Lance who’s going to die first from head trauma. He grabs Lance’s hand and examines the sort of fluorescent pink plant goo. It’s just a slight coating but it gets all over Hunk’s hand, too, and almost immediately he feels dizzy.

“Woah,” Hunk says, falling backwards to land on his ass, crushing more plants in the process. “What--what the hell--”

“You too?” Lance asks, voice shrill. “Is it poison? Are we dying? I can’t die before Keith, though I could _totally_ haunt him which is _awesome_ but--”

“ _Lance_ ,” Hunk interrupts, staring at his own hands. He’s suddenly _extremely_ warm, and when he glances up at Lance in confusion and feels an immediately powerful urge to tear Lance’s clothes off, Hunk realizes exactly what _kind_ of warmth it is. His eyes go wide because, _seriously_ , Lance is his _best friend_ and Hunk definitely prefers girls and _never_ girls who look like Lance; the dude is a literal beanpole with no interesting curves or soft spots. Lance looks like they took a normal person and stretched them out into as thin a line as possible. He’s too skinny and pointy and Hunk absolutely, very urgently needs to touch him and have an orgasm. Preferably have an orgasm while touching him. He sees Lance’s eyes go impossibly wider and thinks Lance may have just come to a somewhat similar realization.

“Holy _quiznak_ ,” Lance mutters in disbelief. He drags his hands violently through his hair and groans. “No, no no no, you’re my best friend and I like _chicks_ , this is _not happening_.”

“The--the plants,” Hunk manages, trying to remain as still as possible even though he is becoming turned on to an alarming degree.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Lance yells, flopping backwards, rolling around almost frenzied while cursing up a blue streak.

“ _Lance_ , stop!” Hunk yells, involuntarily crawling over to him and grabbing him by the shoulders. “You’re getting _more_ of this stuff all over you!”

Lance freezes like he’s been struck, eyes still wide and breathing heavily through his open mouth. He looks at Hunk’s hands on him and then back at Hunk, flushing pink, and Hunk realizes the position they’re in: Lance on the ground, Hunk leaning over him, close enough to feel Lance breathing on his overheated skin. Lance swallows and Hunk is mesmerized by the action.

“I--I think we--we’re gonna have to--” Lance starts and Hunk nods crazily.

“Yeah, no, this is happening,” Hunk agrees, and leans down to crash their mouths together.

It’s not much different than kissing a girl, ( _which Hunk has done many times, thankyouverymuch_ ) but, anyway, Hunk is past the point of caring about much else other than the slide of Lance’s tongue against his own, the feel of Lance’s hands scrabbling against his chest and arms, and trying to figure out the best way to get a hand inside Lance’s pants. He’s unconsciously rubbing himself against one of Lance’s skinny-ass legs and it feels good but _not good enough_.

“Shit, shit, shit--” Lance is babbling incoherently when Hunk leans to suck at his neck. “I need to get off _so badly_ I feel like I’m going to _die_ , this is the end--”

“Dude, shut the hell up,” Hunk manages, finally working open Lance’s jeans and shoving a hand inside to instinctively wrap around the hard length he finds.

Well, _that’s_ certainly different than with a girl, ( _which Hunk has_ mostly _done, once, thankyouverymuch_ ), but the desperate whine Lance makes when Hunk automatically gives him a few strokes is pretty universal and goes straight to Hunk’s own dick, so he’s not really worrying about touching another dude so intimately. Especially when Lance frantically pulls at Hunk’s pants and reciprocates.

“Noooope, you’re right,” Hunk sputters loudly, wondering if Lance’s long fingers are somehow suddenly magical because the things they are doing don’t seem natural and Hunk has basically never been more hard in his entire life. “We’re totally gonna die, holy _shit_.”

“Oh my god oh my god--” Lance starts chanting. “Oh my god oh my god--” 

Hunk shoves his tongue back in Lance’s mouth ostensibly to shut him up but it’s like an electric shock goes through Lance at the contact and he’s bucking against Hunk wildly, making desperate noises in the back of his throat and convulsively squeezing Hunk and raking his fingernails against Hunk’s skin. Hunk barely has time to think _that’s it, that did it, it’s over_ before he’s spilling over Lance’s hand with a groan, somehow able to continue stroking Lance until Lance heaves a startled gasp and shudders, coming too.

Hunk collapses with a grunt, managing to extricate his sticky hand and wipe it off on Lance’s shirt.

“Dude, ew, not cool,” Lance says, voice strained from where he’s stuck under most of Hunk’s weight. Hunk ignores him and they are both silent for a minute, both trying to breathe normally again.

“That was so intense. Why was that so intense,” Hunk mumbles mostly to himself when he trusts his voice to speak again. “How is this plant so evil and excellent at the same time. How.”

“You’re crushing me!” Lance yowls eventually, batting his hands weakly at Hunk. “I’m gonna die!”

“You said that already,” Hunk says, rolling off Lance and flopping next to him.

“How come the plant’s not...working again?” Lance asks beside him, and they both sit up to look around at the flattened area they’ve made in the patch of terrible flowers with their exertions. It looks like an elephant rolled around with another elephant while fighting a third elephant.

“Um,” Hunk says articulately. “Maybe because we didn’t crush any new ones?”

“Huh,” Lance says, then looks around behind them. “ _Quiznak_!” he yells suddenly and Hunk jumps and looks where he’s pointing. “The Castle! See it?”

Sure enough, just past where the patch of flowers ends, there’s a break in the trees and Hunk can see the Castle reaching up into the sky, a lot closer than he thought it would be.

“Oh, thank quiznak,” Hunk mutters reverently. Safety from unwholesome alien plant life and the ability to cook a warm dinner is easily within reach; he feels like he might faint from happiness.

“So, um,” Lance says sheepishly and Hunk raises an eyebrow at him. “That was...weird.”

“Yeah, well,” Hunk says, shrugging, a little embarrassed but whatever, it’s just Lance, who's actually probably the least weird person he knows right now. “What’s an orgasm between friends?”

“Yeah,” Lance says with a laugh. “And I guess everyone has at least _one_ gay thing, right?”

“Probably,” Hunk agrees, laughing.

“Well, at least my gay thing was with my best bro,” Lance says cheerfully, punching Hunk’s shoulder.

“Right,” Hunk says wryly. “I was actually pretty sure your _gay thing_ was leaning towards Keith.”

“What?!” Lance squawks. “ _Mullet_!? How dare you--he--I--that--” Lance sputters to a halt like he’s been slapped, eyes going wide, and Hunk can practically see the gears turning. “Wait, is _that_ why I’m obsessed with him?! Oh my god. Gross. No. No no no no--”

“Relax,” Hunk says, mildly amused. “I’m pretty sure he’s not interested.”

“What?” Lance asks indignantly, switching track immediately. “How could he resist this?” He gestures wildly at himself, clothes and hair in complete disarray, covered in plant pollen and goo and spunk and Hunk laughs until he thinks he’s going to be sick.

“Whatever,” Lance mutters when Hunk is trying to catch his breath. “You know I’m hot. There’s no denying my _animal magnetism_ and _sexual energy_ and--”

“ _Okay_ ,” Hunk yells. “Can we please get out of here? We are disgusting right now. And I’m starving.”

“Yes, totally,” Lance agrees, and they both set about righting their clothes. 

“Well,” Lance says haughtily when they manage to escape the plant patch without crushing any new ones, even though Lance screams bloody murder the entire time. “That’ll teach you to go along with any of my plots in the future.”

“Dude, going along with your plots is literally the reason we have Voltron,” Hunk says, busily trying to ignore the rumbles from his stomach. He’s gonna cook up so much food goo when they get back, it’s gonna be awesome.

“Oh yeahhh,” Lance says slowly, and Hunk immediately regrets speaking. “I’m a genius!”

Hunk rolls his eyes but laughs.

“Listen, as long as no other alien plants try to kill us,” Hunk says, spotting a clear path back to the Castle. He heads for it with Lance trailing right behind. “Or do...whatever that was, you can be whatever the hell you want.”

“Nice,” Lance says distractedly, and Hunk tries very hard not to notice Lance looking way too intently at some benign-looking alien trees. 

Hunk realizes he’s going to have to work through some _serious_ plant trust issues.


End file.
